The Process of Healing

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Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Dear girl that is hurting,

The process of healing is a tricky one. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a friend, loved one, pet or a relationship, the process is hard. I wanted to zoom by the healing process. I thought that I could just Google some articles, take a weekend and just cry, do a few face masks and I would be fixed. But I was wrong. I thought that I could just do a cutesy montage of self-care and I would be healed. I didn’t want to do the dirty and ugly work of healing and working on myself. I wanted to put an expiration date to the heart break. I wanted my heart break to heal like a broken arm. I wanted someone to tell me that in about 2-3 months my heart would heal. That I could just take some medication for pain. But when I kept asking friends and loved ones for an estimate on how long it would take to heal they told me that there was no timeline. That there was no one set way to heal. That it could take months even years for me to heal. That I would have days that I felt perfectly fine and there would be days where the pain would feel so new and fresh. I was despaired. I let the pain control me in ways that I knew weren’t healthy. I told myself that a cute new outfit would make me feel better, and it did for like 15 minutes. Then the aching and chilling pain in my chest would come back. I kept trying to go back to the person that I was before my loss. It wasn’t until I realized that I could never be her again. The pain that comes from loss changes a person. It doesn’t have to be bad thing, if you don’t let it. I finally let go of the old Imelda and welcomed the new me. This Imelda has so much to learn about herself and what she wants from life and what she will tolerate. Whenever I get upset with myself for having a “bad” day or feeling sadness, I treat myself like a scared small child or like one of my friends, with love, understanding, compassion, and grace. I want to feel as though the pain that I am experiencing and have experience helps in the grand scheme of things. I tell myself that it is preparing me for the life that my heart truly yearns for and that one day all of the skills that I am learning will be able to help someone else as they go through a similar situation. I am proud of myself. I am telling you this because I hope you can see yourself in me. Maybe the circumstances are different but I want you to know that you are not alone. I am no longer a victim of circumstances. I am not a worrier. I am a warrior. And so are you.

Stay strong and wake up inspired,

Imelda Golden

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